Friday, April 07, 2006 [ 7:25 PM ]


People always say that I’m a serious and silent person but if my friends will be asked, maybe they will say that I am a faultfinder arrogant person who do not take things seriously but rather sees almost everything as a joke.

Some say that we always pretend to be someone we wanted to be, and that someone is what we want others to see as ourselves. As for that matter, I do not know if the character others see in me is something I wanted to be or if it is the real me. I like laughter but I always tend to be serious for reasons I’m not yet sure. Maybe because of what my relatives taught me when I was young that laughter is just a precedent to sadness. Maybe it is because I don’t want to be sad that I don’t want to laugh even how much I love to.

I don’t know what I wanted to be and I don’t know who should I be. Maybe you’ll say that I should be myself but how when I do not know who am I? I wanted to be with everybody but I would rather choose to be alone. I wanted to speak but I would rather keep silent.

My life is full of irony that I even doubt what I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. My silence doesn’t only mean that I have nothing to say but I have lots of thought I couldn’t express. My elusiveness to people doesn’t mean I don’t want to have company but I don’t want to lose someone so dear.

Being alone always makes me think… but often times it gives me nothing but depression.


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